Im not even sure how I could ever intergrate this sexy fruit into my everyday diet. I say sexy, because "aubergine" breathed out in a sexy, slightly french accent makes the fat purple thing sound exotica.
And yet, I am stunned to find that the fruit of subject is called the "king of vegetables" and pinned awkwardly at the top of the pop vegie culture charts across the world.
The Romans believed aubergine to be poisonous – it’s not, by the way – and called it mala insana, literally, the apple of insanity. The name stuck – melanzana is Italian for aubergine – but the suspicion did not, and nowadays, it’s hard to deny that when properly cooked, aubergine is something special. It becomes wonderfully savoury with a hint of natural smokiness that makes it an excellent meat alternative for vegetarians - apparently. That is not how I experience it. Ever.
You may ask, "why blog about it?" Well, the fact remains, that I toy with the ideas of introducing this ingredient into my existing recipe regime. Stacks of gloop that slop onto something else, with chopped tomatoes and onions (of course). Maybe bacon would help with the effect. Another fact: the few aubergines that have made it to my crisper, have decomposed there. I think twice they were converted, and the household consumers of the typical fayre made it clear that aubergine hidden in normal food would not be tolerated. Ever. Again.
The colour is seductive, the skin is besotting, the curves....oh la la!
But the final nail in the egg plant's coffin came today, just now, on Instagram.
And the image, is burnt into my mind's eye.
I have to explain it. A young, dark gent, with his thighs spread, using an egg plant emoji to cover his nether regions. On further research, the eggplant emoji is emoji language for representing a penis.
Luckily, there are now aubergine flavoured condoms to don the wanna-be eggplant emoji toters...you can now go the whole eggplant, you lucky things, you!
The aubergine is dead. Unfollowed. Unfriended. Deleted.
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